Terminally Ill

There is an awareness practice technique of considering life, all life, my life, as a terminal illness from which there is no escape, no avoiding death at the end. It is represented in the question from Stephen Batchelor's Buddhism Without Beliefs: "Since death alone is certain, and the time of death unknown, what should I do?" And you see it used as a rhetorical measure to persuade one to thought and action in various Buddhist-influenced writings. There are three main responses to the question, which many of us find ourselves living even though we may never have heard the question stated explicitly. This is because this question captures the human dilemma of thought and action -- being an existence aware of its own death, full of desires, unsure which way to go.

1. Pull out all the stops, quit your job, move to another country, spend all your money, do everything you ever wanted to do, live life to the max and burn out like a flashing burst of plasma.

2. Slow down, appreciate your life and time, enjoy the simplest things, take pleasure in the treasures of peace, love, compassion and joy.

3. Hide, withdraw, resign yourself to death, the void, utter hopelessness and despair.

Divorce is wreaking havoc in my life. My partner couldn't take some powerful forces and negativity in her life, her past, herself (I think), and decided to blame me for everything and has sought solution to her problems by running away, starting a new relationship, living a fast, hectic, carefree life. Like a candle burning hot and fast. There she goes.

And here I am. I go back and forth. I don't want to, I can't just sit still and suffer without having compassion for myself. So I go to New York City and have fun seeing things I've never seen. I come to work and practice following through on commitments even though I really don't want to. I want to throw it all away. I want to disappear from the planet. I want it to be over. I cry.

So, this life, this terminal illness we all share, here it is. And how do we live it? How do we deal with it? I think the second way above is good to know about and to take refuge in when the first way proves not to last. The second way is stable, durable, always there to come back to. The first way is fun for short trips, but is also unstable, short-lived and, at its worst, reckless and harmful to self and others.

Buddhism is about the middle way. Always the middle way. The second way is the middle way. Sometimes we need to taste a little of the extremes in order to appreciate the middle. Here it is. Thank you.