When it's over, we're over

As things come to a close according to the terms of my divorce agreement, the sale of my house, the settlement of financial affairs, I am seeing something new, something I hadn't seen clearly before. When all this is over, and it is rapidly coming to a close here, all contact with my ex-wife will cease. Even though the past few months since our divorce hearing have only seen occasional emails and phone calls, mostly initiated by me, that has been communication that I have grown used to -- an attenuated thread of exchange between me and the woman I loved and love still, who will legally be my ex-wife in a few short weeks when the 120 day waiting period after the hearing has passed.

I'll have no excuse to call her or email her on any pretense related to our on-going divorce. No more thinly veiled, partially contrived entrees to conversation; just silence, decisive separation. No future for our relationship. Because even though we've been going through divorce for the past 9 months, that has been something gone through together: the last experience we'll share. This is when the divorce really begins. And it's meaning has just dawned on me: when it's over, we're over. There will never be any kids together, never growing old together, never working things out together, never making love again, never coming back together. It just makes me a little sad to realize it.