Anger, Divorce, Control and Avoidance Under the Lens

With the aid of my therapist, I worked out that some recent, unexpected anger I've experienced when trying to talk with my ex (necessitated by dealing with offers and other paperwork related to shared property) is related to a process like this:

• I try to be “nice” and avoid confrontation with my ex by agreeing to commitments or responsibilities that may not be fair to me, but it seems the only way to go because otherwise there is confrontation with her, who is all about “taking” and not giving or sharing (when it comes to me)
• Later, when I am bound by my own choice to things that I accepted in order to avoid confrontation, I get angry because of stress, unexpressed indignation (which I projected/feared would only cause confrontation), and loss of freedom and dignity
• So, I get angry and end up having a confrontation anyway, it’s just delayed
• When I get angry with her it is at least partly at myself because I let her (“enabled”) have control over me from the beginning and put myself second, although it was under the guise or intention of being peacable and avoiding unnecessary confrontation.
• I get even more angry because I am getting angry and I don’t usually get angry or like being angry and it’s built up by frustration because I don’t understand the process that got me there!